I’ve spent the entirety of my life desperate to make myself smaller so that I could be accepted and loved. I temporarily became smaller throughout my periods of anorexia but my entire life became smaller as well.
So my word for the year is EXPAND because I want an expansive life in every single way. In the literal sense, I no longer want to force my body to fit society’s bullshit standards of beauty in order to feel safe. Shrinking my body is shrinking my life and I want the freedom to let my body be as big as it needs to be when I’m not obeying my eating disorder’s endless rules. I want to live 100% free of apology for taking up as much space as I need to in this world.
And eating freely also allows me the potential for real, authentic connections because of how much more brain space I’ll have available to be present with the people I love. It offers the ability to experience real joy and satisfaction. It offers the possibility of travel without anxiety about new foods controlling my experiences. It offers the ability to eat with my little sisters and show them what it means to take up space in a world that tells us that we need to shrink ourselves to fit in.
It offers a million more possibilities for my future; none of which can happen when I’m restricting and hanging onto the eating disorder for dear life.
So this year, I want to focus every bit of my energy on creating a full, expansive life. I hope that 2020 is the year I can be free. The year I can be my full, whole self. The year I can expand.
Do you have an intention or word for the year?
Photography thanks to Kelly West, check out her instagram and facebook page.
Dress is from H&M but pretty sure it’s sold out.